What happens when you don’t cater to your man?
Shared by Amber
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I have a question Ladies & Gents…
What happens when you don’t cater to your man?
Recently, I’ve been battling with my personal views and the views of others. Wondering if my past relationships have ruined my willingness to do something so quickly for a new romance? I was the girl who would go above and beyond to please her guy. Buying things too early, answering to his every beck and call, and pushing the things I want to the side to cater to his own.
As I get older, I find myself looking at a guy as if he’s lost his mind when he expects too much and so early. I’m ready to ask him, well what are you doing for me? Who said it was my job to keep you satisfied? What about my needs? Do I not deserve to have my wants met?
I feel as women, the pressure is high for us to keep our man satisfied. This notion that what you won’t do… the next one will. While I do acknowledge to some degree, I have to shake my head when it’s expected for a woman to do everything in her power to please her man but the same isn’t expected of him.
A relationship should be a partnership and not feel like a burden.
Now, I do feel a woman should do for her man as he should do for her also. No, you shouldn’t be tallying what one does because it’s impossible to do everything 50/50. Someone will always put in more than the other.
Am I wrong for wanting to know that the person I’m investing my time in… is worth it? I’m not saying I’m unwilling to do anything in a new relationship, but I feel it’s necessary to pace yourself. I’m not screwing my face at those who’ve moved at a quicker speed because I’ve been there… which brings me to my current internal battle of emotions.
I recognize his frustrations and acknowledge his feelings. My intentions aren’t to be selfish or inconsiderate to the way he feels.
I want to spoil my guy, make him feel like the king of a castle and give my all with no inhibitions. But, honestly, I’m hesitant. Wonder if I give too much and too fast… how will things turn out?
I see myself as someone’s wife… not a temporary nor forever girlfriend.
There’s nothing wrong with catering to your man. You should show him little things and pique his curiosity. Allow him to see what he has but also leave room for more.
This generation doesn’t hold the patience to put in the work willing to make things last. No longer are the days of courting and getting to know a person. Instead of holding out and waiting, it’s easier to settle for anyone who gives us a little attention and try to build a life with them.
I want to rid myself of this idea that I have to give my all to someone at once. The door for communication needs to be open, so you both can discuss your wants and desires. All of these things will not be fulfilled but the point that you’ve opened up to one another… you can do these things as time goes on.
Let things ignite for a while… it doesn’t have to burn out so quickly.
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I think you’re on the right track. I have learned to think of relationships in a different way: What I give and the degree to whichI give depends on the level of commitment we have. If we have just met and are in the first stages of getting to know each other, I will offer friendship and some thing like a home cooked meal. IF our relationship continues to deepen and grow,I’ll share more personal things. If e wants too much too soon and leaves because he didn’t get his way, he isn’t for me in the first place.
Treat your man well; expect him to do the same
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I’ve learned to stop expecting others to give because of my willingness to do so. It’s great to have a kind heart & it’s something I would never want to change. I say do what’s comfortable for you and move at a pace that works best for your situation. Thanks for reading 🙂
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I think you’re accurate and on to a great theme. I’ve also done way too much way too early and that’s set a precedent of me not getting my needs met and him basically never having to try. Now, I’m trying things differently but it’s still very early and I can’t tell what’s going to happen. Like you, I don’t want to be in a tit for tat situation; rather, I want us both to try to please each other. Thanks for bringing up this topic.
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That’s exactly what I meant when I wrote this entry. I wanted to share with others and hear their experiences and get some more insight.
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I cater to my man to the point that it is no longer appreciated but expected. That to me is the worst feeling in the world. And now when I don’t do what is expected then I am told that I am lazy. I feel like it is a double edge sword, darned if you do and darned if you don’t. and I usually do but only resent it after. In my head marriage isn’t 50/50 it is 100% but if I am giving and he isn’t then what the hell is that?!
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I definitely understand the frustration. Expectations can be damaging to a relationship. Both parties have to be willing to put in an effort.
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No disrespect intended, but this can be the case with us men also. As a giving person I have been used many times by women who take advantage of a kind heart.
Thankfully this isn’t always the case. Somewhere out there is a woman that will understand that relationships are a partnership. Both people have to give of themselves and accept that their partner can’t always provide what they hoped for. Neither man nor woman should feel that give and take means you give, I take.
Thank you for the post. I look forward to reading your next.
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Thanks for the view point of a man. Of course, I’m sure both genders face these issues and it’s good to hear from the other side.
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Every relationship I have been in, I come up with this dilemma, and it was my fault for doing everything that they wanted to keep them pleased and happy.I guess I was going out of my way, because I was insecure and afraid they would leave, so I was taken advantage of, and for granted. I think if you have a decent partner, then it will work out the way that it should, not to say that it will all be perfect all the time. I think some struggles actually build a relationship that was meant to be, but I also think a lot of women go into relationships expecting the man to be the prince charming and it to be like a airy tale and it isn’t. That is how it was when I was younger,girls couldn’t wait to get married and have babies. They did not take the time to discover themselves and who they were. I think you have to find yourself, before you can find your other half.
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Very good points. As a “hopeless romantic”, I was the girl who expected a Prince Charming. Expectations are normal, but it’s the level of expectations that can be bad. It’s important to have realistic ideas.
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I don’t think I ever really went into any of my relationships feeling the prince charming thing myself. I always knew life didn’t work that way, but everyone I knew felt that way. I myself set low expectations, because of my self esteem problems. I think I just did the same as my mother did, settled, and that was and is a mistake, but after many years of being treated the way I have, I have come far, and know that I will not let this happen again.
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I think we are all are hopeless romantics, and all during our childhood and teen years we are waiting for prince charming, many times he turns out to be not so charming after a few years. I am sure it works both ways. Men have their expectations as well.
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Isn’t this also about setting your own ticket price it’s about what you are worth and your expectations of how you are treated. Sharing is great but being a doormat doesn’t get respect or the sort of relationship that you want long term. Being too willing to early smacks of desperation,it’s like texting back too quickly, or buying gift’s. …these things need to be spaced. You need respect as well as being listed after or loved. That will set the tenor of the new and old relationship!
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Recognizing self worth is extremely important. It’d be great if everyone recognized their worth. Unfortunately, experiences and events impact our lives and has an influence on how we view ourselves and those around us. I’m learning along the way and improving on loving myself first. Thanks for reading, I appreciate the great feedback 🙂
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Beginning a relationship having enough self-worth to even pose these questions is a step ahead of me. I know what it’s like to be expected to think you are married to God himself (which is exactly what my ex called himself) and pay the price if you deviate from any sort of praise, not only from him but from his family. I wouldn’t know equality if it walked up and hit me in the head with a 2X4.
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I think you’re just being wise and guarded, good strategies if you ask me.
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It’s interesting. In the last couple of years I have read a lot about the differences between men and women and their needs. It surprised me to learn that men naturally are the givers in the relationship. Huh? I always have been the giver. And that’s when I realized why none if my relationships worked.
So this time, I waited to have a man who was willing to pursue ME. And amazingly he is the most loving, respectful and emotionally available man I have ever been with. If a man expects YOU to be the primary giver, run. And believe that real men exist.
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I am wiser now, and I will not let this happen again. I have improved my feelings of self worth from what they used to be, but it hasn’t been easy. I just know so many unhappy and dissatisfied couples. I don’t know if they are all feeling no self worth or it is easier for them to stay because of financial reasons.
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