Why do guys stop calling and disappear after having sex?


Shared by our awesome Featured Writer, One Gentleman.

Over the past few weeks, I am beginning to grasp the extent of difficultly, which men and women experience in the dating arena, but also in committed relationships. Whenever I browse through search engines, engage in dialogue online and discuss relationships offline, it allows me to remain humble and grateful.

Why would I say humble and grateful?  That seems like a weird thing to say, right? I remain humble because in the face of my amazing relationship, it does not make me arrogant in the presence of others.

I remain grateful, because in the midst of this amazing relationship, I understand from my past, exactly what the opposite of a remarkable relationship feels like.

I cannot force you to alter your perspective, simply because I say so. However, if the old ways of doing things are not bearing good fruit, it is perhaps time to make a change.

This realization should provide an incentive to change, because after all, you are the human resource manager of your dating life.

With that said, I write for others to see a different perspective and ultimately, grasp the importance of the energy they emit to potential mates.

One of the reasons I continue to write about relationships, is of course because of observation.

In other words, many of the dating woes people continue to encounter, I believe with a few adjustments, will allow them to find a sense of dating peace.

Many of the issues I personally encountered during the past, or through someone I know intimately, still remain problematic for a number of people.

I write because the answers I often see from dating experts, usually involve sugarcoated responses.

The responses rarely cause the one facing the dilemma, to alter his or her way of thinking. Ultimately, the very issue that someone wants to correct, continues to occur again and again.

This brings me to a question, which a number of women pose while dating.

Why do guys stop calling after they have sex with me? 

In other words, after sex occurs, he no longer seems to know her name.

Think of me as your brother or close friend, who tells you like it is. I will not provide fluff, or tiptoe around the reality.

Last night we were watching Scandal and I turned to my wife and jokingly pointed at her kitty and said…

This is able to cause wars. If women collectively understood their worth, they would never allow men to take advantage of them sexually (consenually). Heterosexual men, generally do things to please women, yet women do not seem to understand this.

As a disclaimer, the conversation with my wife does not compress the worth or significance of a woman, down to her kitty (vagina). It was simply a joke.

Instead, I want you to understand the lengths men have gone throughout history, because of their devotion to women.

Today, I personally know of guys with more sexual partners in their experience, than you can count on ten hands. However, they did not have to go to wars with foreign countries.

They did not profess their admiration over a lengthy process of courtship.

Instead, the best the females involved with these guys received, could be summarized by a line from artist/producer/director O’Shea Jackson…

‘Cause all I got is hard d*** and bubblegum.

But that is neither here nor there.

For this explanation, I am specifically focusing on the guys involved with this question. Once again, I am only involving one group of guys. This is definitely not representative of all males.

Your worth to him, regardless what he expressed through words and actions, arrives in the form of your kitty. He believes due to his childhood conditioning, boys get sex from girls and girls give sex to boys.

This individual has a warped perception, when it involves sexual contact between males and females. Instead, the mutual exchange of sex is akin to a mosquito, retrieving blood from its latest host and flying off to find another.

A mosquito receives blood from humans, and humans give blood.

Think of his buddy (penis) as the mosquito, and your kitty as the latest host. Once he receives what he desires from this host, the host no longer serves a purpose. You have fulfilled your duties, so to speak.

Before sex occurs, this guy will appear as if he is jumping through hoops to receive your attention.

He calls to hear about your day
He sends texts messages that he’s thinking about you
He seems attentive and eager to please you

All of a sudden, after you finally consider commemorating your feelings in a physical manner with him, the energy of his attention deflates once the physical act occurs. That is strange, right?

The multiple calls you once received throughout the day, becomes once a day. Soon after, it becomes once a week. Eventually, reaching him is akin to setting up an appointment with a political figure.

You are left wondering if you did something wrong, and possibly how you can fix it.

Well, you did do something unintentionally wrong and before you jump down my throat, please understand I am simply here to provide a differentperspective on this question.

You gave him something for nothing. He said a few nice things and suddenly, he becomes a good candidate to share yourself with. People say nice things to the front attendant at my gym, should she give them a discount?

You feel he is paying attention, so it is obvious he really cares about you.  I pay attention to my best friend, should he write me a check for $25K?

Is one’s entrance into your kitty, allowed simply by a guy saying nice things and paying you attention? You have a far greater worth than that, but only you can make this determination.

Wars were fought over your kitty…yet this guy was able to say a few nice things, and BAM…he did not even have to argue with someone down the street.

Sex is incredibly important in my perspective, especially when you equate this to the basic principles of what it means for two people to embrace sexually.

As a female, you are allowing another human being to enter your body. Let that seep in, because the current era of promoting sexual liberation with females seems to forget this.

You are allowing another human being, to insert himself into you. That is a significant decision to make.

Sadly, I see far too many girls taking this decision lightly. Interestingly, the question of this post usually comes from individuals in the process of dating. In other words, they are not in a relationship with the guy.

When you give a guy access into your entire being, without him having to be in a relationship with you, you have undermined your significance and he will also.

Why would he feel the need to give you a relationship title, when he is receiving all of the benefits of being in a relationship, without actually having one?

You cannot change these individuals, and they will not change until they decide to do so. Instead, you can change how you convey a specific energy to potential suitors.

As your brother or companion, I recommend being more mindful in the decision you make, as to whom you allow inside your body. You should be more mindful of the criteria, which you use to determine a suitable mate.

Instead of being more meticulous on the makeup brand you wear, apply that energy to your dating and of course sex life.

Before someone considers this as slut shaming, leave your emotions at the door and analyze this critically. There are consequences to having sex in this era of promoting, so-called sexual liberation of females.

More females will continue to ask this question, and no amount of sexual liberation will change the reality.

As your brother or your companion, please understand your worth.

Do not allow any guy to receive benefits of being in a relationship with you, without actually having to be in one. When you refuse this, he will have no actual incentive of announcing a relationship title.

Why would he give a title after receiving the benefits, when he has the option of having sex with you and others under the umbrella of, we are not exclusive?

Why do guys stop calling after having sex? In other words, he disappears from your life completely.

He received what he came for, and has no need to continue communication. I know it sucks, but if you do not value yourself beyond sex, why would he?

I am not condoning or undermining the role, which these guys play. However, this is your life. He will not acknowledge your concerns, because he does not feel a need to change for you.

Since this is your life, you have more of an incentive for adjustments to occur.

In other words, you cannot control the actions of others, but you can control yours. The outside world is not going to change for you, when you refuse to make changes from within.

Keep in mind, this behavior is not representative of all males. Adjust your energy, be more selective and eventually, this question will become a story you can share with your friends as a lesson.

Your worth does not exist between your legs, what you can perform with your mouth or anything of the sort. Your worth should be so much more.

However, I am a complete stranger and only you can make this realization.

This is of course my perspective. I am interested to know about your experiences with this topic. Did you ever encounter this after a sexual encounter?

Did you learn valuable lessons from the incident? Is this something you have ever done to a woman before?


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4 thoughts on “Why do guys stop calling and disappear after having sex?

  1. ryan59479 on said:

    While there is no doubt that men like this exist, I think this is a bit of a sexist double standard.

    There are plenty of women who like to just “hit it and quit it,” too. This argument seems to harken back to a lot sexist viewpoints: men love with their genitals and women love with their hearts. That’s a nice social convention, but it’s not the biological truth.

    Women love sex just as much as men do, and they’re just as capable of using someone purely for sex. And men are capable of forming deep emotional attachments regardless of sex.

    Sometimes I feel part of the problem is descriptions like the one laid out in this article. It contributes to the social convention and the whole thing winds up being a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts: men think that’s the way people expect them to behave, and then women think they have to just accept it.


  2. Sadly, men do this. Not just to women they have sex with. They do it to everyone. Family, friends, lovers, business associates, and strangers. They’ve been conditioned into behaving badly to get what they want. We all, women and men, need to correct this awful behavior when we see and experience it.


  3. I loved this article and I find a lot of truth in it . This article is for women who want to be in relationships , not just people wanting to “hit it and quit it” I do believe it’s about knowing your worth , and not giving of yourself so easily when someone is just being nice . People like to say it’s a double standard and maybe it is . But when this experience happens to you and you didn’t think that was going to happen , it doesn’t feel good . It happened to me once and I didn’t like it . I learned from my mistake and it never happened again . I guess it depends on what your goal is . I’m not that women that just wants my needs fulfilled and I’m going to sleep with a random person to do so . When I say random I’m talking about someone that there is no commitment with . I’m not about that life , someone people are but its not for me . I don’t have time to waste time and be giving of myself to someone is using me to get off. That’s just me . I bumped my head once and never again , because like you explained in my article I began to know my worth . I am happy with my decisions thus far . Great article !


  4. I have thought about this too, but I have a slightly different angle. I slept with my new boyfriend after a relatively short time frame, in fact everything in this new relationship has happened quickly but that is another story. I was warned by (probably my mother) not to jump into bed with him too quickly, after all you want him to hang around… but that got me thinking. Actually, no i don’t. If a guy is only interested in me so that he can have sex with me I would rather find out right at the start before I have invested something in him, in us. Before I have let him into something much more important than my ‘kitty’, my heart.
    I think that you have to be selfish. Do not sleep with someone until you are ready, time scales shouldn’t be a factor. It has to be when it is right for you, if that’s is one night after a drink, then ok, if that is 4 years after a ring and wedding ceremony, well that’s fine too. So long as you have made the right decision for you! After all you matter the most!


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