Letting Go
“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past; there’ a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”
Walking away.
It’s really not at as easy as it seems. And for stupidly optimistic people like myself, even cases that scream out disaster still seem to lead to the idea of benefit of the doubt.
Undoubtedly, it’s hard letting go, especially if they once played a big part in your life. Yet, you’ll realize later that some are better left gone: material-wise, feeling-wise, and people-wise. And soon, time will pass and you’ll start thinking, “How did I even pull through that? How did I build up the patience to put up with all that crap for so long?”
Looking back at my past relationships, there are ones with memories that I still cherish and there are ones that I sometimes even forget that it happened. The latter ones (the ones I barely remember) are relationships where I sabotaged my ideals, values, and dignity at the price of what I thought was love.
Ex-story: Case “M”
Fitting myself into his cookie-cutter ideal image of a perfect girlfriend was his idea of love, and he showed me attention when his expectations were met. He constantly compared me to his prettier, nicer, sweeter, basically better-than-me ex girlfriend, and I killed myself trying to be more like her. Though never explicitly admitted, he and I both thought if we were to ever break up, it would be because I failed to meet his idea of a perfect woman. But guess what? I broke up with him after 10 months, because I finally got fed up trying to be who I wasn’t, woke up, and smelled the coffee; I had finally realized that he was never in love with me. If he was, he would’ve realized my growing tiredness. I was getting tired of myself being unhappy, but I masked the tears thinking that mature love required sucking up. When I finally walked away, it did hurt. I did cry. Not out of happiness and relief, but because I had also realized that I truly loved him. I loved him, and that’s why I had tried so hard to make him happy even when that meant hiding my true self. It made me sad to think that no matter what this relationship was based on, I did love him, and it was over.
But guess how long it took me to stand back up, wipe my tears, and be hopeful again.
One day.
One day was all it took, and I was so proud of myself for being able to genuinely love and selflessly care for someone. I realized that because I know how to love someone wholeheartedly, I deserve someone like that too. Letting go of the past, and asking for love that you deserve is never a greedy, selfish thing; it’s what you earned.
Love this! You’re awesome, and I relate totally!
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It’s easy to get caught up in a relationship and forget who you are in the process, and I’ve certainly changed parts of me to keep a man happy in the past. Learning to love yourself is often the hardest lesson, I’m glad you found the courage to walk away. 🙂
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Sometimes leaving go of the wrong person can almost be a relief and obviously makes way for someone even better to come along! I had this exact experience myself and I’m now blissfully happy!
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You seem like a very mature lovely person. If you can’t be who you are when you are with another, you must ask yourself one question – whom do I choose?
From reading your post, you came to this healthy conclusion on your own – I know it can seem endless at times – but, keep the faith and your good heart. There are other good people out there. Relationships must have friendship at their foundation – otherwise you just have the pretty treasure box but not the treasure 🙂
AnnMarie
lovely and honest post by the way 🙂
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I love this. Breaking up with someone you’ve spent so long with is one of the hardest things ever. You just keep putting up with the issues, thinking that the significant other will change, but that seldom happens.
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Reblogged this on A post in the life of a Duchess and commented:
The art of letting go… so hard yet so rewarding in the long run!
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One day.
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aww, been through this before.. GO girl!
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Thanks for the line, “don’t worry about people from your past; there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.” Those are some true words to like by!
And thanks, also, for spurring me on to write a blog post on how my ex. recently “let go” of me (to publish in the next couple of days). It was cruel, clueless, and classless. I hope people finding it elucidating.
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Love it! So inspiring.
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Nice reading about you
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thank you so much dear 🙂
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This made me tear up a bit. So many young girls and women in general try so hard to be the “perfect girlfriend.” It’s like celebrity dating. You see a celebrity couple and by their appearance you think they are perfect, with their perfect hair, makeup and bodies that you wish and desire something exactly like that. But all that stuff just masks their real relationship. They argue, fights and breakup just like any other couple. Accept yourself for who you are and love will find you. Everyone deserves to be loved.
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Sometimes love embraces you, sometimes it assaults you: it should never ask you to change. The male ego is a very powerful and disruptive thing – a female friend once dated a work colleague whose sense of style was widely admired. She was really hopeful because she probably headed the adoring queue of a long line of ‘model’ girlfriends. They went to Flannigan’s and sat opposite a mirror. He spent the entire evening looking at his own reflection. She saw the future reflected in his gorgeous eyes, and was strong enough to walk away – but oh, so easy to give in to the dream. Unfortunately, men won’t change either!
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Reblogged this on Amanda perez and commented:
this is amazing , worth the read!
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Like a page out of my diary!!!
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Like several of the other posters already mention this is just all too relatable. Well done and very well written 🙂
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I doubt life would be as meaningful without all of our struggles and heartache. Most of us have been here (myself included!) there is so much freedom in letting go of someone you always knew DEEP DOWN that you couldn’t hold on it. For me, its taken 6 precious years of my life. Because the hopeless romantic in us wants it to work….because the mere feeling of loving and even SOMETIMES being loved in return is much better than the fear of having no one to love. I digress. I love this post. Thanks so much for sharing.
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The way you described that past was like I had written it myself. Unlike you, it took me 2 years of on-off thinking I had let go and sometimes I still wonder, but reading your post helps me believe it is possible to move on if you really want to.
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