“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past; there’ a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”
It’s really not at as easy as it seems. And for stupidly optimistic people like myself, even cases that scream out disaster still seem to lead to the idea of benefit of the doubt.
Undoubtedly, it’s hard letting go, especially if they once played a big part in your life. Yet, you’ll realize later that some are better left gone: material-wise, feeling-wise, and people-wise. And soon, time will pass and you’ll start thinking, “How did I even pull through that? How did I build up the patience to put up with all that crap for so long?”
Looking back at my past relationships, there are ones with memories that I still cherish and there are ones that I sometimes even forget that it happened. The latter ones (the ones I barely remember) are relationships where I sabotaged my ideals, values, and dignity at the price of what I thought was love.
Ex-story: Case “M”
Fitting myself into his cookie-cutter ideal image of a perfect girlfriend was his idea of love, and he showed me attention when his expectations were met. He constantly compared me to his prettier, nicer, sweeter, basically better-than-me ex girlfriend, and I killed myself trying to be more like her. Though never explicitly admitted, he and I both thought if we were to ever break up, it would be because I failed to meet his idea of a perfect woman. But guess what? I broke up with him after 10 months, because I finally got fed up trying to be who I wasn’t, woke up, and smelled the coffee; I had finally realized that he was never in love with me. If he was, he would’ve realized my growing tiredness. I was getting tired of myself being unhappy, but I masked the tears thinking that mature love required sucking up. When I finally walked away, it did hurt. I did cry. Not out of happiness and relief, but because I had also realized that I truly loved him. I loved him, and that’s why I had tried so hard to make him happy even when that meant hiding my true self. It made me sad to think that no matter what this relationship was based on, I did love him, and it was over.
But guess how long it took me to stand back up, wipe my tears, and be hopeful again.
One day was all it took, and I was so proud of myself for being able to genuinely love and selflessly care for someone. I realized that because I know how to love someone wholeheartedly, I deserve someone like that too. Letting go of the past, and asking for love that you deserve is never a greedy, selfish thing; it’s what you earned.