Heartbeat: I like you but I like my Guy friends too
A reader sent in her story and is in need of your advice. Please read and share your thoughts!
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Hi, I just wanted to get some feedback on my recent, and only, romantic relationship, if you can even call it that. So, here I go. *takes deep breath*
My friend and I, I’ll just call him Domitian because I love Roman history and I now like to consider him as detrimental to my life. Domitian and I have known each other essentially since birth. In theory that seems like a long time, but it really isn’t considering how we are both in our teens (don’t worry, we’re only about three or so months apart in age).
I had liked him for a little over three or four years during a period of time when we would go to the movies together all the time and such, but we were never anything more. And I was content, for the most part.
Then about two months ago I made a comment to him about reading a particularly racy fanfiction, and then the texting wars began. That very night we opened up a bit more t each other, talking about what we like, what we hate, what we want to be when we grow up, etc, etc. Then things started to take a slightly more sexual turn. Let me rephrase that, I made things take a slightly more sexual turn. Basically, at the end of the night when I was about to pass out of exhaustion we had both admitted that we liked each other. But that is not all. Domitian also told me that he liked some of his guys friends. And yes, if you are wondering, right after he had said that he had liked me. Typical of any girl head over heels in what I now consider as like, I completely ignored that little tidbit.
So I started to pursue a relationship with him. Not that much of an actual, physical relationship, as we never went on a real date or did anything more than lean on each other and hold hands. I won’t go into all the details to spare you from a ten to twenty page essay. Every day we would stay up late and text each other about things, sometimes sexual, sometimes not. I would ask him from time to time of his thoughts on sex out of marriage and how willing he was to do anything with me. The answer I always got was along the lines of “Oh, I don’t want to get you pregnant!” and “There is no way I am going to a store to buy condoms.” I know, a very charming guy. Then every single night I would have to hear about these guys that he liked and how much he wanted to fuck them and then he would write fantasy stories for me to read. I can tell you are starting to like him even more.
The thing was, I was so blinded by someone actually being interested in me and blinded by my hormones that I just pushed aside all of those things he said and the emotions they made me feel.
Then it eventually got to the point were I told Domitian he had to choose between them and me. It took him a week. I gave him space. He told the one best guy friend of his that he really liked that he liked him, and his friend told him he didn’t like him that way. He still decided against me. I now realized that I pressured him into thing too far, too fast. But that still doesn’t excuse the things that came after the break up.
So, to relieve stress I write poetry. I wrote a good amount of poetry about him and then put it up on my FictionPress account. Domitian would look at them, then comment and tell me what he thought and such. Then one day he had a complete explosion were he told me that he never even really liked me and that he only ever went out with me because he saw an opportunity and I basically forced him to.
Now, I still am having troubles not being mad at him and I am forced to see him every day. I would just love some advice on what to do.
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Heartbeat: Obesity and Physical Attraction
Heartbeat: Broken Childhood Love
Heartbeat: I like you but I like my Guy friends too
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This is a tough thing to have to say, but girl, he’s not that in to you. More so, he’s not that in to girls. If at all. He’s young, confused probably. Feels he has to show some interest in girls. And yeah, he can talk racy when he is pressed and put up a good show. But ALL of his actions are screaming “I like boys” and not “I like girls and boys both”. He likes you, probably even loves you…as a friend. He may confuse that feeling of affection for attraction, but it’s clear that its not.
And yeah, you did kind of push him into things. You were the instigator of all sexual/relationship jumps, by your own admission. You don’t have to be angry at him about this. But you also don’t have to be angry with yourself.
Look. You’re young. I know it may be hard to believe sometimes, but there are a billion other chances in this world to find love. With someone who WILL want you. Someone who will lust for you with the burning fury of a thousand suns. Someone who will think of you constantly, dream of you, and desire you as you desire them. I guarantee that person is out there…so why miss out on that, why miss out on the chance to be the center of someone’s lusty, erotic universe…for someone who’d rather lust after other people who not only aren’t you, but aren’t your gender?
Let him go. Let your anger go. Accept this, forgive him and yourself. Love him as the friend he’s always been. And let yourself be open to finding the love that you deserve.
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Girl, I think he is gay maybe bi.. but I think he is gay. Give him some space but more importantly make some space for your heart to let him go … let him go as a potential lover/bf. Maybe with time you guys can both come together as friends… but new friends. Good luck x
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